A great tool in this area is your own transparency. You encounter desires and temptations every day. By talking with your children about how you deal with those situations, you can provide your kids with examples that will help them learn what to do with their own desires and temptations.

Twelve-year-old Sean asked his mom why she didn’t get angry when she was cut off on the road, giving Mom a perfect opportunity to talk about how she lets it go so she doesn’t have to harbor the anger. Mom knew that Sean needed that message because he’d been treated unfairly at school and was tempted to act out his own anger. Sean listened and pondered what his mom said. Mom watched the wheels turn in his head and knew she had just connected somewhere deep inside her son.

Don’t miss the opportunities provided by day-to-day life to point out to your children appropriate ways to deal with desires. Explain to your kids why you pursue some desires and let others go, and help your children see how those principles apply to their own lives as well. Your transparency can be a valuable guide as your children wrestle with desires.

To receive these parenting tips, please sign up for the bi-weekly NCBP email Parenting Tips by clicking here.

Click here to enroll.

We encourage parents to teach three simple choices to children: talk about it, get help, or slow down and persevere. These three choices simplify the process greatly. Of course, this is only to get kids started. After they learn these three skills they can graduate to Anger Management 201 that offers choices like forgiveness and responding with kindness or sorrow. Even adults who are struggling with anger need to have it simplified and these three choices will get you going.

Talk About It
If another child is being irritating or hurtful, frustration can be a signal that your child needs to confront or express displeasure. If Derek doesn’t like the way Tyler is playing with his Legos, he needs to say, “I don’t like it when you play rough with my Legos,” instead of getting all worked up about it. We teach young children exactly what words to use, “I don’t like it when you do that.” Kids need to learn conflict management skills. They need to be taught how to talk about it.

Get Help
If your child gets frustrated because the blanket keeps falling off the table when she’s trying to set up a tent or because the friend she’s playing with won’t listen to her, it may be time to get help. Often a child who is struggling with a pair of scissors will need a little help from Mom or Dad and then be able to continue with the project. Parents know that getting help is one of the solutions to frustration and so too often they jump in and relieve the frustration for the child. It’s best to teach your child to ask for help. You might say, “If you need help, just ask me,” and then get out of the way. Let the child learn how to deal with frustration by asking for help. Frustration can be a good teacher sometimes.

Slow Down and Persevere
When a person is mowing a lawn and hits a thick, grown up section of grass, the best course of action is to slow down and take it a little piece at a time. In the same way, sometimes children must slow down, adjust their expectation so that they can persevere and finish the task without exploding.

Each of these three choices is a skill that needs to be developed. If your child is getting angry a lot, you may find that teaching these skills will go along way to bring about peace in your child’s heart.

To receive these parenting tips, please sign up for the bi-weekly NCBP email Parenting Tips by clicking here.

Remember that rules tend to focus on behavior and may miss the heart. But, if you use rules wisely and talk often about why the rules are helpful, you can teach your children a great deal about the values you want to pass on. As you begin setting rules for young children, we would suggest three simple rules:

Obey
Show Honor
Be Kind

Almost any infraction in family life can fall under one of these three. Having just a few rules is especially good for young children. These three become the basis for most other rules as children get older. Each of them represents an important character quality.

These rules are simple and introduce young children to the fact that certain guidelines dictate what’s expected in family life. Talk about them often as you teach and discipline your children. This will help you do heart work even at a young age.

To receive these parenting tips, please sign up for the bi-weekly NCBP email Parenting Tips by clicking here.

Honor means…
Treating people as special,
Doing more than what’s expected,
And having a good attitude.

Use our honor definition or make up your own. The point is that honor changes people. It changes the way that parents relate to their children, the way children relate to each other, and the way children relate to their parents. We all need it.

You can use the concept of honor in correction or when things are going well. You can use it when you teach your children about money, time, and other resources, and you can teach it when conflict comes around. One fun way to teach it is on special occasions when someone wins a contest or earns a certificate. You may show honor by giving that person a fancy place at the table or by decorating his or her bedroom door.

Honor is fun. It’s like oil in a machine. It gets work done with less friction and less heat. Every family needs honor. It’s great when things are going well and essential when family relationships are strained. You can work on honor whether your kids are preschoolers or teens. It will change the way your family relates.

What are some ways you teach your children about honor?

To receive these parenting tips, please sign up for the bi-weekly NCBP email Parenting Tips by clicking here.

Some parents react at the thought of having children come when they’re called. It conjures up visions of authoritarian leadership like a sergeant yelling at a private in the military, belittling a person by pulling rank. These parents need to catch a vision for helping children develop a character quality of responsiveness. It doesn’t come naturally but children who don’t learn to be responsive to another person make poor team members, inconsiderate mates, and difficult employees.

To teach children to come when they’re called, you first have to explain what you mean. With young children you might say, “From now on, whenever I call your name, you need to come close to me and say “What Mom?” or “What Dad?” You might explain that it’s important that they learn to listen carefully to your words and when they hear you call, they need to come and find out what you want.

The next step is to practice every chance you get. With a two or three-year-old you’ll practice it several times an hour. Be careful that you don’t just practice when you want to give an instruction or when your child is running away from you in the store. Practice at home and at the park. Call your child often just for fun. When he comes, say something like “I just wanted to tell you I love you” or “I just want to see how well you can obey.”

The “Come When You’re Called Rule” teaches responsiveness to authority. When children become teenagers you can tell the difference between those who have learned this concept and those that haven’t. We’re not suggesting that teens come running to you when you call, but there is a way that they treat their parents that communicates respect.

The “Come When You’re Called Rule” is a way that parents honor children and teens as well. It says, “I’m not going to yell at you across the house or parking lot. I’m going to take time to sit down and talk to you or get away with you to discuss this issue.”

To receive these parenting tips, please sign up for the bi-weekly NCBP email Parenting Tips by clicking here.

First, sometimes kids believe that appropriate behavior is determined by the culture. Rather, the rules you set up are based upon the values you hold. Different families have different values so as parents we need to decide what values and convictions we are going to use to determine the rules and expectations for our own families.

Second, not everyone else is doing it. There are many families that set guidelines similar to, or even more strict, than yours. Children have a tendency to find more permissive families to compare themselves to so they can ask for more.

Third, recognize that this statement is a manipulative technique. It makes us feel like we’re depriving our kids of something. Parenting is hard work and too many parents are unwilling to take a stand for what’s right and for values that are wholesome and healthy.

Don’t let your children push your buttons with the statement, “Everyone’s doing it.” Instead, use the opportunity to teach them about your convictions and the values behind the rules you set.

To receive these parenting tips, please sign up for the bi-weekly NCBP email Parenting Tips by clicking here.

Think about some of the things your parents said over and over again that continue to play in your mind. “Turn off the lights before you leave the room.” “Eat your vegetables.” “Be nice to your sister,” “Say excuse me.” Did you heed their instructions then? Maybe not, but the tape still plays in your head.

It may not appear that your children are listening but loving and consistent reminders have a long-term effect. It’s important what you say and how you say it, though, because children will remember. If your words have a pattern of being harsh and critical, that tape also will continue to play later on.

Simple observations repeated over and over can go a long way. If you have one son who is continually picking on another, he may have a character weakness in the area of kindness. Make statements and observations that add to the tape. “Johnny, you need to be kind.” “Johnny, it looks like you’re being selfish and not thinking of Billy’s feelings.” “Johnny, was that the loving thing to do?” “Johnny, let’s not be hurtful.”

As we repeat instructions and make observations, we’re impacting the hearts and minds of our children, whether we see the results in their behavior or not. Change takes time. It’s important to pray that God will use our words to make lasting changes in our kids. We may not actually see the results as fast as we would like, but we are building a tape that will last a long time. Take a moment and think about the tape you’re creating in your child’s heart. Is it the one you want remembered?

Consider what you’d like your child to say to himself or herself and begin to repeat those words throughout the day. In doing so you’ll be creating a heart script to help your child mature.

To receive these parenting tips, please sign up for the bi-weekly NCBP email Parenting Tips by clicking here.

1. Greetings are the oil that keep relationships cordial. Hugging your children as part of a greeting or welcoming them to breakfast in the morning makes an important statement about the value of your relationship.

2. Exchanging information about our lives helps people know what’s going on and contributes to a sense of connectedness. As you go through your day, think of a couple of interesting things you could share with your child.

3. Sharing opinions and judgments is the next level. Some people are hesitant to share their opinions because they feel like they’ll have to back them up or face an argument. Look for ways to affirm your children. “That makes sense” can be an encouraging statement even if you disagree. “Thank you for sharing your opinion with me,” can be a statement that encourages openness.

4. Communicating emotions takes us another level deeper. Facts and opinions often have emotions hidden behind them. “I bet that hurt” or “I can tell you’re excited about that,” acknowledges feelings your child might be experiencing.

5. Sharing spiritually brings an amazing amount of closeness into a relationship. Praying together, sharing what God is teaching you, enjoying worship together, and having a sense of spiritual fellowship are all ways to enjoy the deepest level of communication. As you strengthen your spiritual lives together, you’ll see more and more opportunities to discuss heart issues.

All five levels of communication are important. Don’t think you can skip the first few and still experience closeness. Look for opportunities to enjoy all the levels with your kids.

To receive these parenting tips, please sign up for the bi-weekly NCBP email Parenting Tips by clicking here.

Being a peacemaker helps to break down anger in one’s self and in others. Peacemakers seek to bring people together in agreement and look for solutions where everyone wins. They think of the needs of others and try to make everyone feel good. A peacemaker honors others and promotes harmony, bringing joy into the family.

So, how can you help children become peacemakers? Here are a few practical ideas. Target your parenting so that children can learn to be peacemakers. Teach children to:

Look for things in common, not differences.

Try to agree, not disagree.

Work toward common solutions where everyone wins, not where one person wins and others lose.

Use love as a motivation, not anger or meanness.

Work to give your angry child a vision for being a peacemaker. It will open up new ways of thinking about offenses and provide opportunities to deal with anger in others as well. That’s why Jesus said, “Blessed (or happy) are the peacemakers,” Matthew 5:9.

To receive these parenting tips, please sign up for the bi-weekly NCBP email Parenting Tips by clicking here.